Examples A-E

So this dating website has an IM feature, which I most recently figured out how to put a sensor on, protecting me from complete wastes of time. However, before this occurred I received numerous Instant Message from countless...what should I call them. Oh yes, wackos.

Example A is from MrSunrise. Not to worry, names have been changed to protect the innocent. Mr. Sunrise was bold enough to use the IM feature, while, cleverly noting the "You should message me if" tab on my profile. Hey, if anything, my profile is honest. I said a man should contact me if he:
1. Can make me laugh.
2. Has good grammar.
3. Has a job.
4. Doesn't live with his mother.

I also generously give the option, that 3/4 of said requests ain't bad... and to not be scared to message me if you poses 3/4 of the above qualities. Hey, I thought it was kind of funny... yet I was completely serious at the same time. Anyway, take a look at example A, Mr.Sunrise.

(5:41:29 pm):Mrsunris: may i chat with you, plzz

(5:45:06 pm):Mrsunris: hahahha

(5:45:13 pm):Mrsunris: have god grammar

(5:45:16 pm):Mrsunris:have a job

(5:45:27 pm)Mrsunris:and don't live with ur mom

(5:45:33 pm)Mrsunris:what are these conditions

(5:45:56 pm)Mrsunris:i think they are not respectful

(5:46:01 pm)Mrsunris:u are materialistic

(5:46:04 pm)Mrsunris:indeed

(6:08:41 pm)Mrsunris:HALLO

(6:09:01 pm)Mrsunris:I LIKE THE WAY YOU DRESS YOURSELF

(6:09:25 pm)Mrsunris:NODEL

Please note, I never responded...even when he took to visual hints of aggression, anger and yelling. (Caps.) He even mildly insulted me by saying he did not live with my mom. Thank God! Also please note that god grammar should read good grammar. Irony? Also, please don't use the letter Z. Ever. Lastly, I have been contemplating what NODEL actually means. The only conclusion I can come to is "No deal" and Mr. Sunrise, you're right.

Example B: A COMPLETE waste of time.

(10:12:12 pm)I hearttennis:hey

(10:12:59 pm)Myself: hi

(10:13:22 pm)I hearttennis::hey how ru

(10:13:46 pm)Myself: Not bad, yourself?

(10:14:05 pm)I hearttennis::im pretty good thanks

(10:14:45 pm)I hearttennis:i like your screen name

(10:15:01 pm)Myself:Thanks. Do you know where it is from?

(10:15:37 pm)I hearttennis:nope

(10:15:55 pm)Myself:Have you ever seen the movie Donnie Darko?

(10:16:14 pm)I hearttennis:umm parts of it

(10:16:40 pm)I hearttennis:anyways lol

(10:16:41 pm)I hearttennis:im Oliver

(10:16:53 pm):It's a reference to the movie is all.

(10:17:01 pm):Hi Oliver, I'm Kathleen.

(10:17:06 pm)I hearttennis: Its nice to meet you

(10:17:15 pm):Myself: ditto

(10:17:33 pm)I hearttennis::your a beautiful girl, Im sure youll find someone great

Thanks for the encouragement, Tennisslover. However, you have officially stolen 5 whole minutes of my precious time that could have been spent finding the great person you noted above. Also, way to brush off the screen name reference that you were asking for.

Example C: Mystery Picture

(10:31:50 pm)MikeNYC:Hey

(10:31:55 pm)MikeNYC:Nice pic

(10:31:57 pm):MikeNYC::)

(10:32:12 pm)Myself: hanks. Where is yours?

(10:32:21 pm)MikeNYC:Not yet

(10:32:22 pm)MikeNYC:Soon

(10:32:24 pm):MikeNYC: :)

(10:32:38 pm)MikeNYC:What r u looking for?

Not someone who can't even show me what they look like. Thanks for nothing. Literally.

Example D: Call the Police

(1:48:42 pm):Asshole: *Tickles your feet*

(1:50:49 pm):Asshole: you can look at me again but I'm not gonna get any hotter

There is an online feature that lets you track who looks at your profile. I checked one guys profile. When he messaged me I checked again....then I never responded. I guess I should list here that it is a pet peeve of mine when people note anything physical in quotes online. Such as "Tickles your feet" "frowns" "hits innocent bystander in the head". I however do like simple notes, such as "lol" "wtf" "fml" etc., etc.

Example E: Take a Silent Hint

(10:43:45 am)Mils: good morning sunshine!

Nov. 21, 2010

(7:18:53 pm)Mils:does it say your eyes are "super blue" on your drivers license?

Nov. 7, 2010

(11:30:06 pm)Mils:how are things in brooklyn this lovely evening?

After numerous times of ignoring your message.... I blocked you. I didn't want to...well, ok, I did. But you kind of forced me to.

I realize I'm ripping these dudes apart, but I think this is important. If I take notes on their mistakes... it helps me know what I'm looking for, and, coincidentally, it helps me to not become the female form of them. That was a lame cover up to make me to not sound like a bitch, and I think it backfired. Oh well, it's time to set up another date. Let the games begin!

And... at the conclusion of this post, yes, I do realize it's 12:45 am on a Friday night. In my defense, I did not get home from work until 11:00 and I have a family gathering in New Jersey tomorrow morning. I'm not going anywhere tonight and I'm just not ready to sleep. Judge if you will. I'm not a hermit who would rather stay home and blog than go out. I would just rather blog than go out, tonight. Ha!

Goodnight.